The Superpower That Helped Me Find Purpose

Straight to it — everyone needs intentionality in their life. Let me explain.

If you could have a superpower, what would it be? It’s a classic get-to-know-you question (at least when I was in middle school). The most common answers I always heard were flying, invisibility, and the like. All of that is just wishful thinking, because superpowers don’t really exist.

Or do they?

I would argue my superpower is a borderline unhealthy attention to detail. When I was first married, my partner wanted to get me a new watch band as a gift. While I was away at work one day, she picked up my Apple Watch to see what size she should get. I came home that night and immediately noticed that it was rotated slightly. My brain couldn’t look past the inconsistency. I was not surprised when I received a new watch band shortly after that.

My partner’s superpower is an incredible ability to visualize shapes in her head. That is why she owns a pattern making company. She can look at an item of clothing and immediately know how the pieces of fabric fit together. To most people, a clothing pattern just looks like a bunch of random shapes. To her, it is her next set of overalls.

Maybe more. They may not be heroic, but they can be just as miraculous. Just like superheroes, we must work on our superpowers. If neglected, they will diminish — maybe even disappear. We must hone them. Intentionally.

Intentionality is the superpower everyone needs. It’s the superpower of superpowers. It magnifies the other superpowers a person has. In my experience, it is vital to a successful and happy life. When I didn’t have it, life made decisions for me.

Like most fathers, I wanted to be a good dad when my partner and I decided to start having kids. We discussed at length how we wanted to parent. We got down to the minutia of how to handle specific conversations and situations that might come up. We planned out not only how we would handle them but even how we would react. We wanted to be intentional parents.

The first year or two of parenting (as I experienced it) is more physical than mental. The battles are over sleepless nights, explosive diapers, and endless screaming. It certainly takes a mental toll, but most of the problems can be solved by a physical change: are they sleeping, eating, breathing? If yes, congratulations, you’ve successfully parented.

But then they turn two, and the battleground shifts. It becomes mental warfare. They begin forming opinions. Begin having ideas. This is a beautiful and fun and infuriating time. One moment they are in make believe, and the next they are screaming that they didn’t get their favorite spoon, you explain that it is dirty, this makes them more mad, you console them, they become more enraged, you offer to wash the spoon, but they’ve lost it and throw their dinner on the ground. You wonder how this all started over a spoon.

Scary easy. As my children lose control, I’ve noticed I mirror their emotions. I become irritable. I demand obedience. I forget to be a teacher and not an enforcer. I forget that I’m raising independent children and not robots. My intentional parenting vanishes.

It can be difficult to live with intention. If you’ve been sucked into the self-help section of a bookstore, you know that habits are all the rage. Our brains like to put as many things on autopilot as possible. They like habits. When we intentionally create habits, this can be incredibly useful. But when our habits spring from paths of least resistance, it can be extremely detrimental.

Many of my bad habits around intentionality began as a teenager. It was “cool” to not try — not care — but still succeed. My first real job was being a lifeguard. It was “cool” because I didn’t have to do anything. Outside of taking the two-week training to become CPR certified and obtain other lifesaving skills, my day to day work consisted of sitting and standing. On crazy days I’d have to blow a whistle and yell, “Walk!” Once a week I had to swim a few laps, but that was the extent of any exertion I put in at that job. It was “cool”. In school, nonchalance was the name of the game. I didn’t have “intentionality” on my mind when I slept through my AP Calculus test or didn’t study for my ACT. My intention was to have no intention.

Obviously, this approach was unforgiving as soon as my diploma was in hand. In the “real world” where “adults” play, the consequences elevate. In my immaturity, I had to learn this the hard way. During my first semester of college, I slowly stopped going to class.

Those poor habits had long-term consequences that I did not consider at the moment. My lack of intention made choices for me.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I wasn’t intentional about anything. I had life goals and ambitions. I eventually made the intentional choice to drop out of college. I was extremely intentional with whom I eventually married. The issue was in the day-to-day.

For example, I lingered at my first “grown-up” job with no aim on where it was going to take me. I worked hard and made the most of my opportunity there, but I didn’t think through what was next. I knew it wasn’t the end goal, but I wasn’t doing anything on the day-to-day to change that. When I reached my feasible ceiling in that position, I was finally left to confront the daunting question of “What next?” By then I was a father and had serious responsibilities. How was I going to get from where I was to where I wanted to go — all while taking care of myself and my family?

After work one day, I made a stop at our local library instead of heading home. It was there that I first laid out not only my life goals, but how I was going to achieve them. What were the deliverables I was going to deliver to myself? What was the plan to reach the potential I thought I had? With only an hour of intentionality, I took the first steps toward living with purpose.

All I needed to do was marry that intentionality with daily consistency. As I continued to work hard at my job, I started to take steps toward my future on the side. One of the first things I did was explore a return to education. I applied to two universities, jumped through all the necessary hoops, and was accepted to both. With my partner, we eventually decided that a return to school at that time was not the right step for me and our family. So I pivoted. I began looking for other jobs that could build off the skills I had already developed in my current job. I fell in love with one company that I felt would help me become who I wanted to be. I devoted over 100 hours to my application, prep, and interviews. I made it to the final round, but I was shattered when I didn’t get the role.

With the very little money we had, we began to rent a cheap-low-ceiling-drab-little office space. I would go there every day after work to work again. We called it “the cottage”, although “closet” might have been a better name.

It was there that I rekindled a love for writing and creativity that I had lost in my adulthood. Though I was away from home for all but an hour every day, though I was incessantly tired, though we were depleting our savings, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I don’t believe it was because I was working hard. I don’t think glorifying work is a good thing. I believe it was because I was intentionally living my life. Everyday had purpose. Everyday had meaning. And it was my purpose and my meaning. I had chosen them, and I was pursuing them. My intentionality was my superpower.

Since then, my life has ebbed and flowed with intentionality. At times, I am filled with intention: in my parenting, as a partner, at work, in my hobbies. Just like my time at the cottage. At other times, I get silently misdirected by the undercurrents of life: a video on YouTube becomes an afternoon binge, a riotous toddler leads to frustration, a good job becomes a distraction from my dreams. Just like my first semester of college.

That would be nice. But there isn’t. No book or teacher or app or educational video has done it. They offer different ideas and new approaches, but at the end of the day it is up to me. I am the one that gets to decide how each day will go. I am the one that gets to decide to live each day of my life with intention.

Related posts:

Today is the first day of The Daily Write 30 day Challenge. It’s so super to be given another reason to write, new inspiration, and new friends. Thanks so much for Dawn Smiles for giving us this new…

Management studies programs provide students with a solid foundation in organizational behavior and human resource management while electives in labor-management relations, negotiation, conflict…

Animals have been the true living species of the world for well beyond the human existence. So why is it that, after three hundred thousand years of Homo Sapiens existence, that we are now starting…