My Identity Through Tennis

Some players use brute strength to finish points quickly, but I win games by grinding. I run tirelessly from shot to shot, working to keep the ball in play until my opponent tires or makes a mistake. My grind game is not about my physical abilities, but how I’ve developed my mental toughness and will to win every point.

Starting junior tennis late, I was on catch-up mode where I was the underdog, constantly fighting for every point and a chance to prove myself. I had to learned and experience many things within a short period of time. Through high level competition in tennis, it allowed me to experience pressures and unique obstacles that shaped and expanded my mental strength and mindsets within competition. These intangible I developed will continue to be invaluable, as I am able to apply them to other facets in my life.

In tennis, crafting my mental game was just as important as my physical, if not more. Under the most crucial points, it would be the player with the most mental composure and determination that would win. Although I didn’t have the physical size and strength, my mental toughness was my biggest weapon. Keeping a stable mindset was how I performed my best, but it wasn’t always easy.

UTR- Universal Tennis Rating. This rating started to control my life once I started taking tennis more seriously. Every match I played in any tournament counted towards my rating, therefore every game I won or lost mattered. Constantly checking to see if my rating went up or down became part of my daily routine.

My rating consumed me, but also kept me motivated to continue training and improving. For most of my tennis career, I’d had the goal of playing for a college. Knowing that increasing my rating would help me in college recruiting, I began to put an unhealthy fixation on my rating.

My matches only felt rewarding if I played well in comparison with my rating. My stomach would churn at every shot I missed; letting the pressure get to me, I would act out, slapping my leg on every bad shot or telling myself how much I sucked. These negative reinforcements only caused harm to me. As I would lose points, I would become increasingly frustrated, sometimes resulting in a mental breakdown where I would cry out of self-pity and anger. Losing games and matches to lower rated players would crush my confidence and mentality, making me feel like the long hours practicing were a waste. This unhealthy and toxic mindset began to consume me.

Overcoming this mental block was not easy, my initial strength of mental toughness had diminish as I focused too much on my rating. After a crucial point consisting of back and fourth shots, I had lost. In defeat and anger I lashed out, and began to cry; seeing my dad walk away in disgust and disappointment of how I acted made me realized how embarrassing and childish I was being. As this realization finally struck me, I started to play for myself and finally begin to rebuild my mental head space, rather than obsess over ratings. Putting an emphasis on a clear and supportive mental head space, I practiced meditation. Now being aware of my bad habits on the court, I no longer looked at my opponents’ ratings before a match. During the match, I would have set routines for every one of my serves, bouncing the ball three times. Each bounce was a reminder to reset and focus on the next point.

Switching my mindset and regaining my mental toughness gave me a new perspective on my rating. Rather than looking at it as a sense of worth, I now viewed it as a byproduct of my play, no longer putting immense pressure on myself. Shifting my stresses allowed me to regain my once lost mental head space.This shift made made me more motivated, as developed a new outlook on my game.

Having a new game plan for my overarching goals kept me driven in practice to work on short term goals like stepping into the ball sooner so my forehand can produce more spin, or staying closer to the baseline so I can be on the offensive position in games. Working to better my skills everyday was tiring, but also rewarding because I knew I was working towards a goal I wanted to achieve.

Tennis taught me commitment. Getting out of school and going straight to the tennis courts was my daily routine. Practice usually consisted of drills, shot patterns, and occasional match-play. Having a goal in mind, I had to fully commit to practicing and training 6 days a week. These practices and could not have been done without my dad. Being my tennis coach, my dad played a huge role in my tennis development and maturity as a player.

My dad was my coach all throughout my tennis career. Feeling isolated in the tennis world, I would rely on my dad for support. He would help me prepare for matches, waking up early to warmup with me and reinforcing the things I needed to focus on during my game. My dad’s coaching help me learn and build my mental strengths. The long hours on the court, pushing me to hit the last ball, was not only pushing my physical strengths, but my mental abilities. My mindset was the most important factor in my play, staying positive and focusing on what was in front of me. I developed mental toughness through endless reinforcements and learning from my mistakes.

My dad’s on and off court coaching heavily emphasized mental toughness and the ability to fight for every ball. My dad was the main person that allowed me to stay driven and mentally strong no matter the outcome. This mentality of fighting for every point was engrained in my head. Being able to block out outside distractions and focus on every shot, helped me concentrate on my mental toughness.

Sending me texts before every match I played, my dad reemphasize my game strategy and mindset. Although there was a time where I struggled to live up to this mindset, realizing that my obstacles were only overcame by my mental toughness helped me strengthen my focused mindset.

Learning to take on matches one shot at a time allowed me to improve and stay present when I played my matches. I had to keep my mind focused on what was in front of me rather than trying to think of the outcome.

As covid hit, we began to have a nation-wide shut down, my tennis was forced to be put to a halt. Since tennis courts and facilities were closed, training became very hard. This stress of being unable to improve my tennis skill and college recruitment made me fall into a hole of isolation and confusion on what I wanted. The unpredictable future and state of the world made me rethink what I wanted for my own future.

The uncertain future made it hard for me to play much tennis. As a result, I was forced to take a break from tennis until things opened up. I began to fill my time with new hobbies like selling and up-cycling my old clothes. This refreshing feeling of taking time off from tennis felt good. I began to feel uneasy and no longer motivated to continue training in tennis.

Slowly, I began to lose my passion and drive for competitive tennis, the sport that I had dedicated so much of my time into. Even though my passion for tennis was diminishing, I didn’t want to accept my true feeling because I felt like all the training and time I’d already put into it would have went to waste. This internal conflict made me reconsider my initial goals, and if they were still what I wanted for my future.

USC was my dream school since I visited in 8th grade. As I got back from my tennis practice, I checked my highly anticipated USC status update. Preparing myself for the worst, I opened it. To my surprise and total shock, I had gotten in. In that moment, feelings of stress were lifted off my shoulders, and genuine relief struck.

Through the college admissions process, it made me rethink what I wanted for my future; deciding between playing division III colligate tennis (meaning I would continue long hours of training daily), or playing club tennis, where I would play for fun and no longer have to delicate lots of my time towards tennis. The decision was tough, for most of my tennis career, going to college for tennis had always been my goal. But, faded passion for the sport began to change my feeling. The day-to-day trainings no longer felt bearable, seeming more like a core I was forced to do. This dilemma was tough, but ultimately getting into USC, and the feelings it sparked for me was my answer.

Deciding to not play division III tennis, allowed me to focus on new hobbies and activities. After making the decision to no longer play tennis competitively, it felt like a chapter in my life had closed. I finally felt free and content knowing that I was able to gain a lot from my experiences in tennis.

Although I stopped playing competitive tennis, the intangible and invaluable I’ve learned have made my experiences worth while. My development in tennis allowed me to gain new perspectives on my mindset and the importance of mental toughness. I use these key takeaways within my education and in all other facets of my life, as I continue to grow as person at USC and beyond.

Tennis will always be a constant in my life, and I will continue to enjoy the sport and the many things it provides. My identity will forever be impacted by my time spent in Junior Tennis. It proved to be a crucial stage in my life, exposing me to new environments where I was forced to adapt and grow.

Reflecting on my junior tennis career, I can confidently say I am proud of my achievements and growth as a player, as I was able to overcome mental blocks and a fixed mindset. The transition into college and out of competitive tennis wasn’t easy, but it shaped my perspective on my goals and mental health.

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