Medication Adventures

What it can feel like when those medications get all messed up.

Please forgive that the words may not come out correctly right now. My medications are off, and I don’t feel right.

If you haven’t been on medication for mental health issues, then you may not know how terrible getting them wrong can feel.

When your medications get messed up, it isn’t as though you suddenly switch back to a pre-medication reality. It’s this entirely different, fluid, and quick-to-change way of living and experiencing things.

And no, I’m not talking about delusions or anything like that, but rather, my experience of being in my body and my brain and my emotions.

I’d never experienced anything like it until this year, despite first becoming medicated for depression and anxiety in the summer of 2017.

Although I’ve been a lifelong depression sufferer, it was only three and a half years ago when my job got hectic and I started heading into panic attack territory every time my phone rang that I actually saw a psychiatrist.

At that time, I was given Zoloft, a prescription to tackle both anxiety and depression, but my anxiety was the main target at the time.

And amazingly, the medication got it under control. Life was suddenly easier, and in spite of the warnings I’d received from well-meaning family members, I never felt any less “myself.” It was great.

A couple of years later, my circumstances had changed. I wasn’t at that job anymore, and anxiety wasn’t my primary issue. I was more cognizant of the depression that had always plagued me, and I was struggling with motivation and feeling tired all the time.

So my psychiatrist switched me to Prozac, which she thought might better address the depressive issues. And yes, I immediately experienced a boost in energy that felt awesome and helped get me going.

But the energy boost wore off after a couple of months, I forgot to refill it, and without it, I felt no different. Maybe I didn’t need it anymore?

When I touched base with my psychiatrist, we decided, sure, let’s go without for a while, keep checking…

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