Look at me I am afraid.

I feel lonely. You know, it’s kinda sad when you feel that way. Being lonely is nice sometimes, it’s even a needing. But, to feel? Damn.

I feel that I have no friends. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but I think that I’m recieveing a treatment I don’t deserve. I hate me sometimes 'cause I am not able to stop from doing things that I’d love people do for me. I am not the type of person who do things expecting something for exchange, but it really hurts when you treat people nice and you have nice details and them just… treats you like shit.

I have this unbearable feeling that my thoughts, my needs and everything I want and say, it’s being put a side. There is people around me who sometimes looks like someone who really cares for me, you know. There is a person who is in constant repeating “say what you think, say what you want, don’t keep quiet”, and I take that, but when I do, when I tell this person what I think, what I feel and what I want, she just laughs, she just doesn’t care. And I’m so confused. It makes me wanna dissapear, it makes me wish I’d never told that.

I just wanna keep myself in a cage, I think that way I would be safe. I’m afraid. This person is my best friend, I can trust her in everyway, and I am afraid I have developed emotional dependence to her. 'Cause she is just the way she wants, she says “you don’t like me? Fuck it. If you wanna leave, there you go the exit door”. So it’s hard for me. I don’t know what to do.

And I have no one who I can talk to about this.

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