Disordered thoughts or Words of Love

In these difficult times

Thinking about friendship, my mind began to draw my beloved Villa Borghese, yes, a close friend of mine, to whom I have revealed my sweetest secrets, my overflowing passions, my imaginary stories, my deepest sadness, the most childish thoughts, the most insidious of rages, the smiles with the greatest illusion.

A friend capable of following the rhythm of the seasons. Between October and November, almost to celebrate with me the birth of the little girl who stole my heart and, in passing, my own one birth. My Dear Villa, you wear the colours of gold and ochre and let fall, in each of our marvellous meetings, a new grace: a complicit silence, a delicate note of protection, an energetic push to give new impetus to my dreams, all this in the midst of the nostalgic climate of these two months that are so significant for me.

You are also capable of transforming gold and ochre into the deepest and most dense blue of the ocean itself; when clothes get in the way, you dress in colour, exploting as you should, the intense green of the infinite leaves that embrace the trees of the world, and from June, even more, from the very early month of May, you join to my impulses of wanting to become a wild horse, as free as the wind. And it is then that in these two months, with nobility, strength, courage and so much understanding, we run and enjoy the drops of sweat that slide down our bodies, and we arrive together at the torrid month of August, when new responsibilities are glimpsed, new farewells — the most generous on my part — and we stop to distinguish which of all those steps we have taken together are the best and which have fed the so feared instability, and here we pause and walk away.

Is there anything more human than loving, working on growing our selfless friendship?

Now, as you well know, we have more obstacles, and I have moved even further away, I needed to discover other part of my soul, I was lost, I went deeper into my “Io” and along that path I encountered another beautiful friend, Villa Pamphilj.

It wasn’t love at first sight, I was thinking all the time about you, my lovely Borghese.

During the discovery phase, I made those unkind comparisons… “she was sweeter, she was more understanding, she was elegant, she was mine…” but walking straight along my path, I started to discover more about my new friend. Indeed, she was less elegant and wilder, more disorganised and a little bit selfish, she didn’t want to immediately show me all her treasures. Meanwhile, like at the beginning of all relationships, I’ve been showing her my best side. I tried to amaze her by telling her about all of my adventures, my “glory days” and also tried to gain her sympathy by showing her my tears and telling her which kind of challenges I had faced and those I was still facing. But I didn’t gain anything, she maintained the same approach and distance and at the same time her arrogance, as if she didn’t want to be reached.

The days went by normally and I maintained my discipline, continuing to visit my new friend, but without any generosity of sympathy on my part, hiding my thoughts and listening only the voices that came to me from far away. Not her voice, not the songs of her tropical birds. I saw them, those beautiful birds constantly swooping over me in their emerald green suits, but I was angry, so I didn’t establish any relationship with them. How could I be so stupid?

I lose myself again and she knew that but she didn’t do anything. She was silent and became quieter and quieter with each passing day.

I thought that she had to make an effort and not me. I was doing enough, I was far away from you my beloved Villa Borghese so why didn’t she understand? Why didn’t she open her eyes and see my tears feed her fields and flood her own lake? Why didn’t she welcome me with all her grace? with all her springtime?

Now, I’m not only far away from you, I’m also locked up and I know she’s been isolated too. I have lost a new opportunity to open my heart (and I know that you wanted to teach me how to open my heart to absolute beauty, to the divine). Now I’m questioning my old theory, is distance actually not our enemy? Do you think I’m going to have the opportunity to sense again all the seasons with my new friend? And will the snow one day fall and cover the tracks we make together as we used to make when you loved me?

Now, I pray for a new opportunity, for that unplanned day when we are going to meet again, when Vivaldi will reach us with his Four Seasons, encouraging our relationship with the whisper of the wind, with the fresh air capable of reaching directly our spirit.

Give me another opportunity.

I miss you both.

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