Why the heart is so dump?

Whenever I think of you;

I feel like I am abounding myself. I feel like I am giving away my dignity and my soul. Yes. This might seems as exaggerating, but this is how I feel now when you cross my mind.

To be able to think about you in the rose colored glasses like the ones I used to wear for a long time; I have to lose my memory, my pain, my sorrow and my precious golden tears. And with all the tiredness I’ve been through, I just don’t want to do that to myself anymore. The innocent me is now educated. The lesson is learned. You were a great teacher as I Kept telling you since day one, remember? I knew that you came into my life to give me something, to show me something or to teach me something. I didn’t know what it was at time. Now I see it crystal clear.

My vision was broken as I kept looking for a mirror to mirror me, while, I could simply just look within to find the answers. I tend to rely on what other has to bring to the table, so I got fed. And I waited for some random words to get me through the days. And I believed in this energy source to recharge me or to basically feed me. Ignoring with that, The ultimate source that is laying within.

To believe in other’s perspective rather than yours is the ugliest form of self hatred. However, Once you feel the crime you just preformed against thyself, the enormous pain will guide you the way out. And through the awakening journey only, the pain shall fall off your shoulders, and you will start to see the events as bold as they truly are. The truth dear self, you’ll witness the truth. You shall weep then, beg for explanation, lay on the floor, cry your eyes out or vomit your heart. But only through all of that, you will know the truth. About others and thyself as well.

You see, what happened when I think of you.

Now. I choose not to.

I am not thinking of you.

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